


Will you be there for me?

by themoongirl



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Panic Attacks, Suicidal Thoughts, hand holding, kind of, tyler briefly mentions close calls
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-05
Updated: 2016-07-05
Packaged: 2018-07-21 16:03:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7394176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/themoongirl/pseuds/themoongirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Josh needs Tyler.</p><p>Tyler needs Josh.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Will you be there for me?

Josh couldn’t sleep.

Which didn’t come as a big shock, considering he downed a red bull a few seconds after coming off stage in a moment of pure adrenaline and stupidity. That was hours ago, but yet here he lays, wide awake and flicking through channels on the wide screen TV in the hotel room he was sharing with himself. 

They had two back to back shows in Japan at the same venue and had finished show number one tonight and would do the second one tomorrow. This meant that they got to sleep in a hotel tonight instead of the lumpy bus beds that they had grown fond enough of to call home. Josh enjoyed staying in hotels, but he’d be lying if he didn’t admit that he preferred the bus where he was surrounded by his crew, and Tyler, opposed to the spacious and eerily quiet room that he was currently residing in right now. And jesus, whose bright idea was it to use this pattern of tacky wallpaper? And why did the TV keep asking him to pay for more channels? And god, even with the window open, it was just too quiet and he felt so lonely and-

Okay, so that red bull was an even worse idea than he originally thought.

His thoughts were interrupted by his phone buzzing on the bedside table where it was currently charging. Josh couldn’t help but let out a sigh of relief at the distraction of his thoughts when he unplugged it from the wall to get a better look at who was the cause of the buzzing.

**Tyler:** you awake? 

Josh sat up straighter and quickly glanced at the time at the top of his screen. It read 2:35am. It wasn’t a shock that Tyler was still awake, Josh knows of the constant battle that his friend has with sleep, the many lyrics in their songs can attest to that. But Tyler texting him at this time could mean one of two things. He either has an idea of something to add to their show tomorrow, Tyler’s mind is always reeling with new possibilities to add to their live shows. Or, he needs Josh. And Tyler needing Josh then leads to many different possibilities. He could be feeling the pressure of being in the public eye and he needs to share that stress with his bandmate who is also going through it. Maybe he simply needs to talk to let out some things that have been on his mind, whether these things be happy or sad. 

The bottom line is that Josh makes it his mission to always be there when his best friend needs him, and in this moment, as the silence in the room continues to grind on Josh’s gears, Josh needs Tyler too.

**Josh:** yeah, what’s up? 

Josh waited, tapping subconsciously on the bed as he watched the screen.

**Tyler:** don’t feel great 

Josh felt his heart speed up. He knew that Tyler didn’t mean physically.

**Josh:** i’ll be there in a sec, okay? 

**Tyler:** thanks josh 

Josh was already in the hallway walking to Tyler’s room when he realized that he was only wearing a t-shirt and his boxers. He was about to turn around when the thought of Tyler sitting in his room, alone, made him keep going. Screw pants.

He lightly tapped on Tyler’s door before realizing that it was already open ajar, so he walked in.

Tyler didn’t look great. He was sitting on the ground, knees tucked to his chest with his arms wrapped around them and his back resting against the bed. He was facing the window, the curtains drawn all the way open as his eyes stared longingly outside, red and slightly bloodshot, his hair ruffled up from hands that had clearly been tugging at it. He didn’t even look up at Josh as he walked in, already knowing who it was.

Josh came around the bed and took a seat beside him, joining him in staring out the window.

The two sat there for quite some time, listening to each other’s breathing and the occasional noise of a car from outside. The first time this had happened, Josh had done everything wrong. He had spoken too much, trying to get Tyler to say something and failing. He had felt terrible about himself for days afterwards, until Tyler asked him for help again and he slowly learned what to do when Tyler felt like this. Sometimes Tyler just needed someone to sit with him, someone to share a space with while his mind betrayed him. And if he wanted to talk, he would. If he wanted touch, he would reach out. If he wanted silence, he would stay silent. There was one time on the bus when Tyler didn’t speak to anyone for an entire night. The crew was weary, asking Tyler if he was alright and trying to get him to come out of it, so Josh kept the conversation reeled away from Tyler. They all quickly caught on and continued on with their night while Tyler sat there and watched, or stared into space. Later on before bed Tyler quietly thanked Josh and smiled at him, and Josh’s protectiveness only grew.

Now they must’ve sat there in silence for a half hour when Tyler finally moved. His legs went cross legged and his hand reached over to hold onto Josh’s, a silent plea for comfort. Josh looked over at him and met his tired, red eyes.

“I hate this,” Tyler finally spoke, his voice hoarse from lack of use.

“I know,” Josh comforted, squeezing his hand a little tighter.

“Our show … it went great, right?” Tyler asked, looking out at the window again.

Josh didn’t move his eyes from Tyler’s face. “It went great, yeah.” 

“And you and me, we’re okay, right?” Tyler looked back at Josh.

“We always are,” Josh answered.

“We’re both fine. We’re healthy. The band is … the band is the best it has ever been. Everything is … everything is fine, right?” Tyler ran his other hand through his hair as he looked back out the window.

“It depends,” Josh said. “Are you fine?”

Tyler let out a shaky laugh. The sound didn’t sound at all happy.

“That’s the thing isn’t it?” Tyler’s hand was shaking in Josh’s. “I should be, right? I should be … I should be completely _fine, _” The word was dripping in venom. “I should be so _fine _but I don’t feel _fine _I feel … I feel the complete opposite of _fine _.” His voice was shaking, so Josh switched the hand that was in Tyler’s and used the other arm to wrap around his shoulders, pulling him closer.________

“I just … I just want to feel fine, Josh, why can’t I feel fine?” Tyler sounded so small as a few tears leaked from the corners of his eyes.

“Come here,” Josh was wrapping his arms around Tyler and hugged him tightly as he continued to cry, burying his head into his shoulder. Josh ran comforting strokes up and down Tyler’s back, waiting for him to calm down.

But he didn’t calm down. Soon his cries were coming out differently, more jagged, more rushed, and Josh could practically feel his heartbeat up against his. It was pounding.

Josh pulled away and grabbed onto Tyler’s shoulders, looking at his face. His breath was coming out far too quick and his entire body was shaking. Josh quickly recognized this as a panic attack, having experienced quite a few of these in his life.

“Hey, hey, Tyler, look at me, okay?” Josh tilted his chin up. “Can you do that for me, Ty?”

Tyler was looking anywhere but at Josh, so he tried a different approach. He grabbed onto Tyler’s hand and brought it up to Josh’s own chest, right over his heart. He held it there. Josh then grabbed onto Tyler’s other hand and put it over Tyler’s own pounding heart and held it there. Their faces were inches apart, and Tyler finally looked into Josh’s eyes.

“Feel the heartbeats, try and match yours to mine, can you do that for me?” Josh spoke calmly, attempting to slow the beating of his own heart.  


“I …” Tyler squeezed his eyes shut.

“Hey, hey, c’mon Ty, stay with me, you can do it,” Josh kept looking into Tyler’s eyes as he reopened them.

Josh waited, watching as Tyler slowly calmed down. He was patient as their heartbeats eventually became one, and then Tyler dropped his hands, keeping one linked with Josh’s.  


He didn’t say anything for a bit, but kept his eyes locked with Josh’s, slowly coming back into his own.

“All good?” Josh asked.

Tyler slowly nodded as he exhaled. “I think so,”

Josh smiled. “Good, because I kind of need my best friend.”

A small smile formed on Tyler’s lips. “Man, I don’t know what came over me,” He furrowed his eyebrows together. “One second I was getting ready for bed and then the next … nothing felt right.”

Josh nodded. “It’s the wallpaper. Well, actually I think it’s the room in general, I’m not a fan.”

Tyler let out a shaky laugh, but then he was frowning again. “I, I wish but-” He ran a hand through his hair again, looking down. “It’s not. I’m- I’m messed up, Josh, I’m messed up and this is just going to keep happening and-” He cut himself off.

Josh rubbed circles on his hand. “Hey, we’re all a little messed up.”

Tyler was watching their hands as Josh kept speaking. “I’m messed up. You’re messed up. But that’s okay. It’s okay as long as you come back from it.”

Tyler looked up at him. “What if one day I don’t come back from it?”

“Not gonna happen,” Josh didn’t even want to think about that.

“I’ve … I’ve had a few close calls before- Josh, you know that-” Tyler sounded so small.

“I know, but you’re the strongest person I know, and I know you’re always going to come back from it Ty, don’t ask me how, I just do. I want you to take any worrying you have about that and you give it to me, because I’ll always be here for you. Anytime you need, alr-”

Josh was cut off by Tyler lunging forward and hugging him tightly. Josh hugged back, and they sat there for many long minutes before Tyler pulled away.

“Thank you, Josh.”

“Anytime, Tyler.”

Shortly after this they crawled into Tyler’s bed together and Josh let out a sigh of relief when he heard Tyler’s breathing turn into the light snoring that signified that he was asleep. Josh stared at the ceiling and smiled, happy that he was no longer alone in his room accompanied by nothing but the eery silence. Now he had Tyler beside him, and he fell asleep to the soft sounds of his friend’s breathing.

Because that was what Tyler and Josh did for each other. They helped each other through the lows, and they rode the highs together.

Josh wouldn’t have it any other way.


End file.
